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I wish that I could say that I've been doing nothing but writing for the last few months, but I've found myself having to take time off from writing. Stress and life keep getting in the way for one reason or another, and I find myself sitting down in front of my laptop, and being physically unable to write. The problem with this is that I'm nearly halfway through my first real attempt to write a novel, and I can't help but think to myself, "Can I really do this?" or "Who would want to read anything I've written?"
I am indeed my own worst critic. My husband encourages me to just write and ignore the little voice in my head, but when I do that, the little voice fights back and weaves itself into my writing. I'll be writing along, and that voice in the back of my head will chime in and tell me that what I'm writing is complete crap, and I lose all interest in continuing.
Struggling with writer's block is probably the second most difficult thing I've had to deal with in my life. Feeling completely useless and incapable of writing has given me a totally new perspective when it comes to creativity. I used to think that creativity was a fluid concept. But when I started really writing, I discovered that it's more like a gas pump. Turn it on when you need it, and turn it off when you don't. At least that's how it works for me. And now that I'm blocked creatively, it feels like my gas pump is broken.
I know there are ways to fix the creativity pump in my brain, but everything I've tried so far has been a flop. I've tried writing exercises and character development profiles, and everything I can get my hands on, but so far nothing's worked. I'm sure there's still something out there that I haven't tried, so if you're reading this and know a REALLY good resource of tips and tricks to break through the wall of writer's block, hook a girl up. Seriously. I'm desperate at this point. I think it's been almost two months since I've done any writing at all, and that's coming from someone who used to write a 4,000+ word chapter every few days; sometimes even in one day. I've struggled with my inability to write and lamented to my husband at length, and I'm convinced that the stress of adult life and making ends meet is what's got me blocked.
My husband lost his job earlier this year (think more early summer) and we've scraped by, barely, since then while he looked for a new job. With a small degree of success, he's now gainfully employed. Here's hoping the stress falls away some so I can get some writing done, because I've got a slew of ideas I'd LOVE to put to paper, but every time I try, it comes out sounding like a third grader wrote it.
I don't claim to be a New York Bestselling author since I've never been published and I know that I'm not the best, but I like to at least think that I'm a little better than a third grader. But for all intents and purposes, I may as well be back in grade school.
Now, I have a few new ideas that sound like things that I would love to read, so I think I'm going to try to get writing again soon. With any luck, I should be able to break my writer's block, and get back on a roll. Hopefully, my use of video game soundtracks will help a little bit. I've basically played video games my entire life, so I've been hearing their soundtracks for so long, it only makes sense to give it a try.
Wish me luck! :)