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Tip 1) Be as abusive as you want, swear language is a must.
Customer service advisers are OBVIOUSLY there to receive abuse and it is an absolute vital part of their job. If you looking to receive an awful customer experience you have to swear. This way you will appear as a customer from hell and even the most patient customer service worker will not want to deal with you. They will have a chat with their manager but will aim to do absolute minimum for you. If you are on pay as you go phone you will even get an extra bonus and get that massive bill at the end of the month. You are welcome.
Tip 2) "Will you please hurry up! God you are taking ages!"
Remember ladies and gents when you are trying to rush somebody, the pressure will absolutely make sure that something will go wrong. Just so you know that customer service agents are already under a lot of pressure, it's a nature of the job so why not make it more stressful for them eh? Your success is 99.9% guaranteed, as we all know what it's like when you're already trying to do something as fast as you can and it is not fast enough for them anyway. Again you may even get a bonus and that worker will be smart enough to place you on hold, grab a coffee, take a little break, and then deal with your inquiry or be extra slow on purpose.
Tip 3) "It took me absolute ages to get through to you. This is disgraceful."
The tip here my awful customer service lovers is the fact that if your customer service agent has picked up your call after 10 minutes is because that call center is absolutely destroyed with phone calls and that poor customer service agent probably didn't manage to get sip of water down his/her throat because the calls are just queuing. Imagine that level of stress. Now you reminded him about that lovely service level he has to maintain, he is going to be even more stressed and he/she will make sure you go off the phone asap and give you an absolute minimum. Again you may get a bonus and he/she will just hung up and you can go through that disgraceful queue of calls again.
Tip 4) "Do you know who I am?"
This phrase alone makes you appear like a starstruck...I have got be polite so please fill that gap for me. As a customer service agent I take 100 bookings a day so the chances are no and now I don't even care who you are because you have just been rude to me. Ladies and gents feel free to use this phrase and this will go across the entire office, as you have officially become an object of laughter and therefore I have just given you the key to becoming that one customer who will not be taken seriously.
Tip 5) "Manager! Now!"
Now you have discovered the key to wasting your time even more. Because guess what; that floorwalker is usually another colleague of a person you just spoke to and more than likely the one who told your agent to say what he has already explained to you million times. Although you may get a tenner out of it as a compensation to spend on your phone bill which is practically nothing to a company that makes millions. And of course bonus: congrats, you have just willingly increased your phone bill even more, and hey you have done it by yourself! Well done! High five!