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Before I get into depth on what the hell I'm writing about, I'd like to share a quote called "Life is a beautiful struggle." I don't know who wrote this, but it's complete bullshit. Life is a bitch because people keep dying. The struggle is real because people work themselves to death until they can’t take any more. The way I see it, it’s like the Avengers trying to kill Thanos. They try using their own strength, but he is too strong for their powers. In this world, people struggle with everything. For instance, finding a job that will hire a young college student with little to no experience. Yep, that would be me. A college student with no job to make her own money. Plus, stop constantly asking her parents for some because they have jobs.
I’ve applied for jobs and I've done pretty well in the interview process. But, I never get hired. It really sucks because I would constantly beat myself up. As I lock myself in my room, I would always ask questions. "Why wouldn't they hire me?" "What is it about me that would never be a good fit for the job?" Or, "Are there just people in this society that are better than me?" To be honest, it would make me sick to my stomach if it had anything to do with my diagnosis and how I am as a person. Basically, I describe myself as outgoing, compassionate, and creative. However, I can be defiant in situations I feel do not fit right with me.
Anyway, I’ve applied for jobs before. However, all I’ve ever done was work for free at a summer camp that people barely knew about. It was fun to be out of the house; but, was it worth it? Absolutely not because it wasn’t the experience that I wanted to have. Having to fill out saying you worked at a camp for zero dollars an hour—that’s embarrassing. Who the fuck would ever write down “worked as a zero-paid camp counselor” in a job application. Now that I’ve been asking myself these questions on why I didn’t get hired, now I know why. Although, the job interviews were a piece of cake; I didn’t have enough job experience especially when it comes to getting paid. Now that I think about it, I should’ve never worked at a summer camp for two years. It was a waste of my time. I feel like I’m the Hulk fighting to prove people I’m good fit for the job, but Thanos always finds a way, and my dream of getting hired doesn’t come true. I know all this stuff I’m saying doesn’t make sense to some people, but this is how I feel. My brain and the way I see society are nothing compared to anyone. People who are just like me are more likely to have struggles and get rejected from jobs they were so passionate about. This shit happens all the time. Yes I do get upset and beat myself up; but the next day, I’m straight and put a smile on my face. I learned that, if a job doesn’t hire you, it’s their loss. I applied for a position at Marshalls, and I haven’t heard from them since. Looks like it’s their loss because I’ve just become a paid staff writer for my school’s paper. My perspective on struggle will never change. Life is still a bitch, but at least I found something I can do to make money. Just because one good thing happened to me doesn’t automatically change my perspective.