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The Effects of Others

How Listening to Others Influenced My Choices, and What That Means Today

By Ryan EdmondsPublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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In position next to an oil rig during my sea training.

As I gaze out of the window, I begin to zone out and contemplate what am I doing here?

Let's go back to the beginning. I was born in a seaside town in North West England to an amazing mother and father, my mother is a firefighter, and my father had a fish and chip shop. I grew up like any other kid from my area. During primary school, I had a fantastic group of friends, one of whom I'm still friends with today, and she's the best person I know and is always there to listen to me whenever I need her (even if she is terrible at picking up the phone).

Moving on to secondary school, it's an entirely different story. I went there without knowing anyone because I had moved to a separate area and my other friends were in other school's, so I had to start fresh, I began secondary school with another guy because our mothers knew each other, but we didn't have anything I common, so consequently it was boring and awkward. However, one day, on the way home, while eating a Vimto Roll, I somehow became friends with another girl who lived a few streets away. We had so many similar interests, skin care (we were both true connoisseurs), boys, food and we spent every day together. She helped me through so much. Throughout high school, I struggled to become friends with guys because there were no shared interests.

A big part of the final year is deciding what to do when you leave, and it's a huge thing, but it shouldn't be. As teens, we get put under so much stress from growing up, exams and everything else in between. So you can find yourself rushing into big decisions very quickly, as I learnt the hard way.

One time during a career fair I noticed the local nautical college had a stand, so I went over and had a chat with them, and it sounded immensely appealing, especially for a young person who just wants money ("£30,000 a year and zero income tax," my eyes saw the money signs). I went to the nautical college and looked around, it grew on me, and I found myself applying to a company to get sponsored and trained to be an officer in the Merchant Navy within the blink of an eye. Then I got offered the chance of sponsorship, I jumped at it, mainly because being 16, on a "wage," living away from home and having zero student debt sounded like the best thing ever.

Having been on this course for nearly two years, I've learned some things. It isn't all rainbows and sunshine (unlike the advertisements), for example, you get told you travel the world, make lots of money and have a career for life. The reality is far from that, it'll take about thirty years to go to the same amount of places a flight attendant would in six months, or that because you cost a lot to hire, a company will be more likely to hire someone from another country. A career in the Merchant Navy is a career hard to leave because people on the outside see it the way it's advertised and try to get you to stay in because they think it's the right thing.

Reflecting back and thinking of why I joined this career, it dawns on me that deep down I did it for the wrong reasons, based on where I was at that stage in my life. When my parents realised I was remotely interested in this career, they began really pushing me into it. If I started to think of wanting to be a flight attendant (my original plan), they would only give the negatives to that job, and because I didn't know better, I'd go back to the Merchant Navy.

As someone who now has experience in this career, and knows what it is really like, I can honestly say I know that I came in too soon and should've waited to gain some life experience so I would know what I actually want out of life and career. This is because when I joined, I was fresh out of secondary school and hadn't made many choices on my own, they have usually been made subconsciously by someone else.

I'm not saying that I made the wrong choice two years ago. However, I certainly didn't make the correct one for the time. After reflecting on past decisions, I have learnt that I have been to easily influenced by others and tend to rush into things. If I had stepped back and asked myself, why do I really want to do this, I might be in a different position today.

As of right now, I plan to complete my course, gain my licence to be an officer onboard a ship so that I can come back if I want, and, when I finish, become a flight attendant that will enable me to do the travelling and gain the experiences I desire.

I believe the reason I want to be a flight attendant is that being in the air gives a different feeling than being stuck on the ground. Being up in the air gives a sense of freedom, adventure, and excitement that no other career can provide for a young person like me. I'm so used to being told what to do, and I finally feel confident enough to say NO, I want to do something else. Understandably, some people might believe that this career change is a rebellion against my parents, in some ways they could be right. However, when you grow up your entire life being told what to do explicitly or implicitly, you begin to question everything you have ever done and wonder, who did I do it for, them or me?

When you enter a respectable career, everyone around you becomes very proud very quick. This produces a certain level of expectations that you end up trying to achieve to make everyone else happy without thinking of yourself. You forget what you stand for and what you want, only ever focusing on what people expect of you, causing you to feel like anything less and you're a failure, disappointment, and not good enough. In reality, you are good enough, and if anyone thinks less of you for wanting to focus on yourself and what you wish to do, then shame on them.

All this has taught me that I need to stop thinking of what others want or expect me to do and say no, I want to do this instead, and take my life into my own hands.

As a human, you have the right to decide your future, don't let others decide for you.

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