My Ability to Read Thoughts

If all else fails, as I got a bunch of job rejection emails today. I feel screwed over yet again, wondering if I will ever get a real job. I feel down about my job situation only because I haven’t found the right fit. I could get an insurance license if I had $200 to pay for that. But until I do, I haven’t necessarily taken the time. Yes, my astrology chart does detail that I should work as a professional psychic. I feel weird asking for money because of that though. I mean I want to be a free healer but asking for money is weird for me. A tele-empath is the same thing as a psychic only more specific.

I have healed myself from many things by now, I only caught one cold this year that managed to go away faster than ever. I still don’t know how this spontaneous healing stuff works but I have seen certain pimples vanish over me using all the creams I have including Bactroban, a topical antibiotic. Somehow that thing disappeared. I have to ask if this applies to my type-1 diabetes if I manage to sleep the whole night soon.

Hearing people’s thoughts means I can anticipate what they are going to say. I wind up with no memory of what I say when I’m reading for somebody that way. I try not to finish people’s sentences anymore, but I’m wondering if I could do that as well as I did that in high school. I’d scare bullies off like that. Some people think because I’m 4’10 that I’m actually easy to push around. Many a homeless person thinks “pushover,” but I scare them to death by saying no. Oh, I can play easy to mess with but then I bear my teeth and they stop.

I keep aspects of my talents secret. I kind of have to right now but then again I want to help people with my abilities. I’d like to use them as a lawyer to be able to guess what people will say from the opposition. Justice will not always be served but I have decided I serve the Egyptian deity Ma’at since my heart really is light as a feather. My being mean to someone is not genuine, it is rote, I cannot be genuinely mean to people.

I can guess what people say before they say it, I can anticipate what they need before they say they need it. I’d be very used to doing this for the greater good. I just lack confidence now from repressing this talent. I want to actually use it at a Pantheacon presentation someday. If I could stand to be a presenter that is, given I have major anxiety issues, some involving stage fright leftover from having to perform in Catholic school. I want to do an open mic night soon enough. My current set of meds makes my fright easier.

I mean if I could make money as a psychic, great. I did work for a psychic hotline for a while. There was a necessary quota to meet though, so I was let go of that job and there is no way to get them to pay me what they owe me. I can do career, love, and other types of readings. I have enough training to be able to do some of those. I feel guilty for having money, for wanting money, and for needing more money. It is a strange, intense guilt that settles into my chest. I wish I didn’t have this guilt saddling me. I have money issues I need to resolve.