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A quick quiz for the challenged.
In the complex modern world that we all live in, everyone is regularly confronted with tough moral dilemmas. How do you respond when you find a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk? What do you do when you get undercharged at a restaurant? When you hear a toddler screaming from inside a burning house, do you try to rescue him even if it means you’ll be late for your Zumba class?
This quiz is designed to give you a quick ethical workout to see if you have what it takes to make the tough moral decisions that may mean drowning in a moral quagmire or a being proud survivor of the ethical swamp.
- You find a half-opened peach yogurt cup in a grocery store parking lot. What do you do?
a) Bring it to the attention of an idle bag boy.
b) Try to assist the yogurt cup to cover itself.
c) Take the yogurt to a secluded area where you can privately have your way with it.
d) Give it to a homeless person who already looks sick.
- An introverted classmate in your history class always wears poorly fitting shirts and has an unusual haircut. You notice people passing notes about him in class. What do you do?
a) Collect the notes to form a souvenir scrapbook.
b) Call your friend Shenoya and schedule an ‘ambush makeover’.
c) Ask the other graduate students why they are being so immature.
d) Set up a Facebook group so people can post their comments more conveniently.
- Your sister asks you to help her get revenge on her annoying yoga teacher by spray painting vulgarities on her Mini Cooper. What do you do?
a) Point out it would be more effective to tamper with her brakes.
b) Go undercover as a yogi to entice the teacher on a dangerous trek to Kashmir.
c) Let your sister know about the vulgarity stencil sale at Hobby Lobby.
d) Advise your sister to drop out and by her a dumbbell set.
- You order a dozen glazed from Lupe’s Donuts and Homemade Mexican Food but when you get home you realize Lupe gave you two extra donuts, a vanilla cruller, and a pork chimichanga. What do you do?
a) Sue Lupe.
b) Sell the chimichanga on e-Bay
c) Make a cruller sandwich.
d) Swear off using medical marijuana.
- You have an erotic dream about Lady Gaga. What do you do?
a) Write her a letter of apology.
b) Balance it out with an erotic dream about Jeff Sessions.
c) Confess to your priest.
d) Forfeit sleep for two weeks and swear off late night gorging on hummus and beef jerky.
- The lady in front of you in the buffet line is getting ready to take the last Santa Fe Chicken Enchilada which you’ve had your eye on for that last ten minutes as you’ve watched her heap Spanish rice on her plate with excruciating slowness. What do you do?
a) Make a casual sounding remark about a spike in salmonella poisoning.
b) Nudge the woman so that her obscenely tall rice heap collapses and she must call for assistance from the staff.
c) Wait until she has the enchilada on her plate and ‘accidentally’ spill your horchata on it.
d) Let her have the enchilada, but follow her home and poison her dog.
- You discover that your bowling team won the league playoffs only because your teammate played with a ‘rigged’ ball. What do you do?
a) Find a better hobby.
b) Make a sacrifice to the bowling gods.
c) Donate your share of the league trophy to a charity for kale survivors.
d) Challenge the other teams to a best 2-out-of-3 playoff.
- You’re extremely hungry and the only thing in the refrigerator is your roommate’s Uncle Jose’s Fiery Hot frozen chicken burrito. What do you do?
a) Eat half of the burrito and leave fifty cents on your roommate’s pillow.
b) Eat the entire burrito but replace the wrapper filled with some recycled Wonder Bread.
c) Eat the entire burrito and wipe your roommate’s memory with experimental drugs.
d) Take an Uber to Chipotle.
- You suspect that your girlfriend is secretly dating your regular pizza delivery boy. What do you do?
a) Ask for a new, extremely unattractive and out of shape pizza delivery boy.
b) Switch to eating a plant-based diet.
c) Install a spy cam in the pizza delivery boy’s Camaro and post the explicit footage on Snapchat.
d) Confront your girlfriend with the mozzarella-stained underwear you found in the closet.
- You’re elected mayor of a small Texas town when your incompetent brother asks you to hire his company to remodel city hall. What do you do?
a) Require him to give you a 30% kickback.
b) Set fire to the neighboring church so he can build a new wing named after you.
c) Have him extradited to Mexico on trumped-up drug charges.
d) Wall him up in a cement closet and take over his corporate accounts.
How did you do? Award yourself 2 points for each correct answer.
- b – Yogurt decency is undervalued.
- b – A surprise makeover is always welcome and you can call in the favor at a later date.
- d – Dumbbells are cheaper than a yoga class and less annoying.
- a – You could have easily singed your mouth with an overheated chimichanga.
- b – The country is divided enough; we don’t need one-side eroticism.
- b – She will be better off without all those extra calories.
- a – You can take up birding, which is less susceptible to cheating.
- a – He should be able to get a satisfactory replacement for less than a buck.
- b – You can make your own soy pizza at home.
- a – None of these are good choices, but this one is the least violent.
If you scored:
18 +) You are an ethical hot shot and should glide through the world without friction.
13 – 17) Keep honing your ethical edges. Try living in the mountains near a pack of wild dogs.
9 – 12) You’ve had a rough life, and are getting the hang of it.
6 – 8) Like a tyke in the woods without a compass, you are liable to be trapped by panthers.
1 – 5 points) Not so good. I guess you’re frustrated. Try making up your own ethics quiz.