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Live for You

Day by Day

Why is it in this day and age everyone is “supposed” to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives?! I’m 26 and I can’t work and it drives me crazy. I hope to one day be able to work, but I still have NO IDEA of what I’d wanna do... I’ve gone back and forth between becoming a vet and becoming a pediatric oncology nurse. Either way I know I want to help living beings. That’s what I truly believe I am meant to do.

I never imagined that I’d ever want anything to do in the medical field ESPECIALLY with dying/sick kids... until I was one.

I was diagnosed at 15 years old with cancer, Leukemia. And my entire world changed for the next 2–3 years. When I was taken to the emergency room, I was there for HOURS with my mom getting test after test, moving from room to room, barely able to walk or keep anything down, and just not knowing what was happening was terrifying... especially for my mother. I thought I was just sick, but I knew something wasn’t right. I was camping that weekend, then instead of going home (I lived with my father at the time), I went to my mom's since it was summer vacation. I slept ALL day EVERY DAY for an entire week straight. Only getting up to use the bathroom. I started my cycle and bled so much, it wasn’t normal for anyone. 

My mom finally called the advice nurse and they said to bring me in immediately. Being a mother she made me eat before going since I hadn’t eaten hardly anything, if anything, in a week.

After being in the hospital for hours with multiple room changes and tests being done, they pulled my mom out of the room (which by the way, was a curtain room...no real walls) and said, “we aren’t  positive, but she might have cancer; she needs to be transferred to another hospital like a children’s hospital.” When I heard those words “might have cancer,” I happened to have looked at the time and it was 3 AM on Friday the 13th. Just my luck. 

I don’t think my mom heard much after the word cancer. So she went outside to call my dad and call everyone at her home to tell them. 

You don’t realize how much can get done in a 24-hour period until you actually go through some stuff. I had been transferred to three different hospitals, just about ALL my family was notified about me, I had more and more tests taken, and so much more. 

My clinic became my second home and family. My “family” came out of the woodworks to come “visit” me even though I had no idea who they were, I lost all my “friends,” I had my first (and still not last) of surgeries. I’ve had one health issue after another, but hey! I’m still alive! That’s a plus! 

Going through all of this made me realize that at the age of 17, I knew SOO much when it came to hospital/treatment and everything. I knew terms, medication, procedures all by their “technical" terms and I loved my clinic family. They showed me so much, let me ask whatever I wanted and they told me. They showed me how much they truly care about you and that they weren’t just helping you because they got paid. They truly cared for you. 

My favorite nurse and I talked about me becoming a nurse and I loved the idea. I love kids and I love helping others. I think it would be perfect for me since I’d be able to relate and share my story. 

Then again I have (for as long as I can remember at least) wanted to be a vet. I love animals, I have many of my own and I’d love to be able to treat them myself. I also love the idea of opening my own vet clinic and becoming a specialty vet that helps sick animals. And I love the thought of being a vet that also has her own shelter/rescue. 

So in the end, I think a medical career path would suit me (whether it be animals or people). I just don’t know how well I’d be able to handle of a kid died, or putting an animal down...even though I know that’s part of life and those careers.

I’m still left wondering why everyone feels the pressure and thinks we HAVE to have our minds set on a career now. Why do we waste our 20s stressing over the “omg am I the ONLY one that doesn’t have their shit together?” “I’m already 26...almost 30 and I’m single/not married/baby-less.” Why can’t we just live our lives day to day and find what truly makes us happy? 

If you read this, thank you. If you take anything from this, I’d love for you to just live your life for you. Don’t pretend to be happy. Life is way too short and you never know what could happen. Tomorrow you could be diagnosed with some illness, you could die, you could become rich and famous! But you don’t ever truly know. So live life for YOU! Be happy for you! Ever wanted to do something but then thought “well what would so and so say?” Or “am I too old for that now?” I say just go for it! Get that tattoo/piercing/bike/motorcycle, go for that degree, or for that cute guy/girl. Just go for it! And in case no one has told you, I believe in you! ♥️

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