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Life at the Theatre

One Story of the Many Stories

I don’t know if this is a surprise to anyone, but people are constantly throwing up at the theatre. If we go a day with someone not throwing up, it is a miracle. Luckily, we are not the ones to clean that mess up. Even if we had to, I could not do it—weak stomach. There are thousands of stories I could tell you, like that one time some lady decided she wasn’t going to wait to in line to use the restroom, so she did all her business in the lobby… gross, I know.

One day, I was doing my job per usual, helping people if they needed it, letting people know where to go, whether it was seats or restrooms. It was intermission, finally the shift was closer to ending. and nothing crazy had happened—it seemed like it was going to be a good day. The worst thing that could happen, happened. A very concerned patron comes up to me and tells me that it smells like vomit around the area where she is sitting. I thank her for bringing it up to our attention. I let the person working with me, a supervisor, and a porter know that I may need their help.

I walk over to where the stench is coming from and it’s awful! I see a lady, probably mid 30s with a friend. They started whispering to each other, saying, “Oh my god, do you think she knows?” “Wait, quick, act natural.” and “Stay calm, we got this!” so obviously I knew something was up. I look over to the row they were sitting on and I see that this lady is stepping on her own vomit! I ask her if she is okay and she responds with, “Yeah, why?” Well, obviously because you’re stepping on your own vomit. I did tell her that but in a nice way. I pretended like I was going to leave but really let people know that I was going to need some help. As I am watching her, I see that she grabs her playbill and tries scooping the vomit to put it under her seat to try and hide it.

I tell her she needs to get up and go to the restroom because she is covered in vomit. She has a hard time getting up, but her friend helps her out. Our amazing porters clean up the mess and a special powder so that it doesn’t stink. She is hanging out in the lobby drinking water trying to sober up, but she keeps falling over. She couldn't hold it in anymore and ran to trash can to continue to vomit. It was obviously time for her to get home. There was no way that she would make it through the second act. Fortunately, we didn’t have to kick her out. She did the right thing and left on her own.

Moral of the story is don’t come to the theatre so drunk that you ruin our seats, carpet, and the experience of those around you. No one wants to watch a show next to someone who is throwing up. If you’re going to drink, then drink responsibly. You can get that drunk at home if you really want to. Also, you spent so much money to see this show and you got so drunk that you couldn’t watch the show! You wasted money—it doesn’t make any sense. Be courteous of those around you. It’s not fair that those around you suffer as well.

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Life at the Theatre
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