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I Wanted to Be an Author

But what to write?

By Jacky MontgomeryPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Don't they say that everyone has at least one book in them?

If that is the case, how do you know what that book is? I guess some authors wake up one morning and think, "Yes, that's what I'm going to write about," and write novel after novel that sells well and they never run out of things to write about... wait... where was I?

Is it the case that the premise comes before the desire to sell books? Is it that if all you want is to get rich selling books you'll automatically fail? Do you have to want to write 'the' book without the thought that anyone might actually want to read it? If so, I've failed already.

So, what do I write about?

I love reading horror, but for that you need an imagination, to come up with a unique monster. Everything I think of has already been done. At least with horror you don't have to do too much research as the monster in question is of your own making. This, then, is a possibility if I can come up with the star of the show!

Same with fantasy. I love Terry Pratchett's books, but the discworld has been done and I can't think of anything remotely unlike it enough not to be sued for plagiarism. If I could, same with horror, at least the research aspect is done away with as no one can challenge the reality of fantasy!

I also love crime, but you have to be well versed in police procedure and law or you're on sticky ground. Perhaps fantasy crime; then at least if you were accused of making it all up you can say that was the idea!

Barbara Cartland was said to have churned out no less than 23 novels in a single year; though romance novels aren't my thing it must have been nice to just think "need a holiday, I'll just write another novel... there you go." I'm sure I could do a romance novel; I do have some experience to go on.

I did think I could just write a humourous diary, but damn... Bridget Jones. Mind you, mine would be very likely less fiction and romance more truth and tragedy. I could make it fiction, but based on my life — would anyone know?

Children's books! Surely you don't need much of a story to write a children's book? But then you would need a publisher; not many toddlers have a kindle! They want those thick books that don't tell much of a story — I think I could do that, and I have a 2-year-old in the family so I can get tips from her!

'They' say you should write about what you know. So what can I do?

  1. Cook... well, on a good day. On a bad day I can't even remember to include potatoes in a roast dinner. So no one's likely to read a cookbook by a bad cook, are they?
  2. Diet... well, I've been dieting since I was about 18, on and off (clearly more off than on, or I would have been a tad more successful). So I have experience, just not too much in the success aspect, and that, my friends, is what sells.
  3. Health... I have a load of afflictions... adding to it all the time. But no doctor ever tells you about what they've just told you you've got and when you google it you never get a clear picture. I know what it's like to have ME, for example, but no one wants to know I can sleep for England, they want to know what I've done about it and how successful I was (that would be A. nothing and B. — obviously — not at all).
  4. I like music of most genres but I couldn't write anything about it. All the research I could do would be from someone else's article, so the acknowledgements at the end would probably take up more of the book than the actual content.

So, all in all, I consider myself pretty stuffed on the successful author front. A very vague possible on children's books or a humourous diary — maybe a diary about my ME (Monday, did nothing. Tuesday, did nothing. Wednesday, did shopping. Thursday, slept as overdid it on Wednesday). No, I can't see that selling, can you?

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About the Creator

Jacky Montgomery

Depressive asthmatic amputee with M.E. and a bunch of other conditions heaped on for good measure. Married 3 times. 2 kids, 3 grandkids and a bunch of fish. Into metal, comedies, horror and crime.

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