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I'm Not Acting as Much as I Would Love to Right Now

I miss it, but I'm reevaluating.

Is it me or is it just other things?

I haven't been acting since 2017 and to be honest, it feels like it's been a long time. All I've been doing is writing and trying to get my life together which is good since I finished school, now but I realize how much of a change it's been for me starting with the year of 2013.

After I did the play Ragtime in 2013, I went deeper with acting and things were amazing for me. I didn't have a job or anything like that but all I had was my acting dream to keep me going. Eventually, I lost contact with most of the cast and the magic was gone because I'm not from the same background, but to be honest, I knew I didn't belong in the first place. It was fun while it lasted.

So a year later, in 2014, I was going to school again to finish classes to get my degree. I took film studies where we talked about movies and such which was in my area of expertise, because I unabashedly love them. I met a few people in that class who I ended up seeing again by doing a play for the college and honestly, it was the most fun I've ever had doing a play since my junior year of high school. Plus, the magic was back and my passion for acting was more intense than it has been. When the play was over, the magic stuck around for a while but it left again.

The year after, in 2015, I worked a little more; then I was going to school and I dated someone for a bit but it didn't work out. I really wanted to act again but I had to wait six months to go back. It was time to go back to acting and I couldn't be happier, but unfortunately, there was a problem that ended up taking my passion of acting and putting it into a dark place; I caught feelings for someone and I knew what would happen. It's usually bad luck for me, but this was different; she may have liked me back but when she ended up with someone else. Everyone was so focused on them instead of how I was feeling. I just faded away into the background.

When I managed to do acting again a year later, in 2016, I knew things weren't the same but most importantly, the magic wasn't there. I didn't find out what it was, but I gave it everything I had, plus I don't want to be one of those actors who just phones in a performance. I had to take a break from acting again for a while, but I did end up going back to it.

Last year, I went back to acting, but it wasn't all that memorable. I did have a really good time doing it, though, plus the magic was back, except it was a different kind of magic; the magic from 2014 compared to last year was vastly different and it was weird because I finally realized by that point that the magic didn't have anything to do with the play, it was people-oriented. After the play, I tried to stay connected but some of their true colors showed and I didn't want to be around that so ever since that, I've been completely shut off.

This year, I had the chance to go back, but I didn't because I'm always surrounded by people who either don't care about acting or they're just stupid and want to cause drama all the time; plus, I had classes in school to finish and it would've been tough to balance acting with a science and English class. I always knew I was going to deal with stupid people in life, but when stupid people end up in the area I'm in where it's supposed to be my fortress, it takes a lot of passion and magic away.

Now that I'm done with school, I'm trying to find a way to get back on the road to my dream, but I'm also reevaluating the kind of stuff I want to be involved in my acting since I know I'm not the best; plus, I wonder why I love it in the first place sometimes since everyone wants to discard it. After I graduated, I moved away from town since there's nothing left for me and my dream has always been to be an actor, but I'm a little scared to move farther than I already have; plus, with everything I've been hearing, from scammers to some women lying about certain celebrities sexually harassing them but their lives are destroyed, I can't help but stay back a little. However, I still do a lot of writing, so maybe I have a foot in the door already. I miss acting a lot and I want to go back as soon as I can.

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