Here To Make Money, Not Friends

It’s been my experience that toxic workplaces don’t get better. Often it is not just the boss or a few catty co-workers who are the problems, but a whole culture of disrespect in the company that has been festering for too long.

Wishing and hoping that the person in the next cubicle will resign, get fired, or die is futile. There are always others equally as problematic ready and willing to step up and take their place. It is better to cultivate an I’m-here-to-get-paid-and-that-is-all attitude. The reality is that most of us just can’t afford to quit a bad job, especially if we’re young and trying to build a career, or we’re older and trying to hold on until retirement. However, that does not mean that people should allow themselves to be victimized on the job.

First of all, people need to recognize whether or not they are contributing to the drama in the workplace. One of the main ways confusion in the office stays high is because of gossip. Some of us are always complaining about other employees talking behind our backs, but downplay our contributions to the gossip mill.

Whispering in the break room, speculating over other employees’ personal lives during lunch, disguising inappropriate personal questions as shooting the breeze—that needs to stop immediately. We also need to stop telling all of our business to people who are barely acquaintances. When I let it be known that I had no children because I never wanted to be a parent, I was branded as someone who doesn’t care for kids.

I addressed the situation, which I shouldn’t have. I had no obligation to explain my life choices to others. I mistakenly thought the gossip had died down. Two years later, a co-worker accused me of disliking kids during a disagreement, proving that the gossip about me was still going. Of course, keeping quiet is not going to stop those in the office who treat gossip as fun and games. But the idea is to give as little information as possible so others don’t have much to go run and tell and twist around.

Be selective about whom to pal around with during working hours. Some of us were told by our parents while we were growing up that not everybody was our friend. They were right. I can see why jealousy and resentment would happen whenever someone received a raise or promotion, or if it appeared that certain co-workers were the boss’ favorites. But employees often dislike each other for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with work. Yet they’ll grin in each other’s faces while hoping to bring somebody down.

Another reason to be selective is, well, let’s tell the truth…everybody isn’t on each other’s level. For example, there is really no common ground between employees who believe in putting in a day’s work for a day’s pay and those who do not.

A co-worker’s face lit up when they learned I had grown up in public housing and came from the same working-class background as them. But that’s where the similarities ended. I don’t downplay having grown up in “the ‘hood”, but I was taught there was a difference between being from it and being of it.

I learned quickly that my co-worker never learned that difference, and it showed in the lack of professionalism displayed towards their work, the customers, and other employees. I had to limit my interactions with that co-worker in order not to be found guilty by association.

I had to keep my distance from another co-worker who was skating on thin ice as far as their job was concerned. Several people, including their supervisor, had grown tired of having to walk on eggshells around them for eight hours a day.

Realizing that I was on good terms with their supervisor, that co-worker asked me to serve as some sort of protection for them. However, I wasn’t about to give the impression that I was condoning their behavior. In that instance, they eventually quit on their own giving relief to everyone in the office.

Dealing with co-workers whose conversations aren’t exactly interesting or edifying is a challenge, too. I’ve worked with many people who prattled on daily about their seemingly endless personal problems involving marital issues, their health, finances, etc. Others had worldviews and philosophies that were offensive to me. Shut them down by any means necessary. If that means changing your break or lunch times to avoid being in contact with them, do it. Always be busy when they come around because after all, everybody is supposed to be working.

I’m not saying don’t be cordial. I’m not saying don’t be cooperative because we all have to get the work we’re getting paid to do completed. But when faced with difficult bosses and co-workers, it pays to be a little standoffish in order to survive at the job.