Employee, Customer, and Company

Well, hello there! It’s been about a minute since my last contribution to the masses, but I’m back now. Shut up, Dave, look how grateful they all are. While science and tech are my general topics of choice, today I want to talk about the retail world. Let’s face it: Who hasn’t had a job in retail at one point or another?

Working retail is a special brand of hell. It’s generally not the job itself that’s terrible, it’s the unreasonable expectations that come down from corporate, the customers who really do think they’re always right, and the coworkers who are really harshing your type A personality. It takes a special kind of person to stay in retail for a long period of time and to be good at it. A good retail employee gets shit done. They make the bosses happy, they make the customers happy, and they don’t go home at the end of the day wanting to paint the wall with their brains. I've worked numerous retail jobs from high-school through graduating college. I know this struggle well.

I can tell you, with the utmost certainty, I don’t have what it takes.

Work Ethic

Work ethic is one of the biggest issues when it comes to working retail, but probably not for obvious reasons. If you’re someone who works hard and gets enjoyment out of a job well done, if you’re someone who does things right and needs everyone else to correctly perform their own tasks, if you enjoy running or working on a smooth-operating ship … retail isn’t for you. It never will be. The more seriously you take your job in retail, the more miserable you’ll be. And guys… that’s fucking sad. But there’s a reason it’s like that. Retail is mostly known as the kind of job people take when they’re in school, or retired, or just need something until something better comes along. It’s known that way because those are the kinds of people who apply to retail positions. Kids in school don’t care about the job, they just need money. Retirees don’t care about the job, they’re just bored. That person who’s waiting for something better is above picking up a broom, so there’s little to no work ethic there.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to 100 percent of retail workers or applicants, but, you know, if the shoe fits. So, if this is the employee pool to choose from, anyone there who cares about doing a good job is going to be doing everyone’s job, from the part-timers’ jobs to the manager’s job. Let me tell you, you can only do the job of 8-15 employees for so long. But what can you do? If the company fires those employees, it’ll just have to replace them with more of the same. If we’re looking at a company that is made up of 50 percent slackers and 50 percent hard workers … it won’t take long before that company’s staff becomes 100 slackers. When I said retail is a special brand of hell, I meant it. For certain personality types, working retail with break you. There was a point in time I almost didn’t survive retail.

Demanding Customers

This is only partly the customer's’ fault. Companies demand that the customer is always right. So much so that customers can get away with stealing, sexual harassment, and outrageous behavior and the company will still send them a gift card for their troubles. All they have to do is make a complaint.

No, really, it’s awesome getting chewed out by a higher up because you refuse to let some asshole customer harass you, then watch that asshole customer get a gift card—because goddammit the customer is always right—even though you have a list of witnesses who have signed a written statement. Special kind of hell, you guys. Seriously.

And the thing is, customers are allowed to be asshole because what are you going to do about it? Have I walked away from an asshole customer? Of course I have! I’m not cut out for retail! But you’re supposed to be patient and be kind because you represent the company. Companies are putting retail workers in an impossible position: “Do what we think is best—whether or not we have first-hand knowledge—and make that customer feel like it's goddamn Disneyland regardless of what the customer does or says.”

Thanks guys, that’s a great motto. Speaking of not having first-hand knowledge...

Company Expectations

You guys… Did you know that in many companies, the people working in corporate have never worked in a store? That should be mandatory. How is a corporate boss going to make changes and updates to improve efficiency and productivity at a store if they don’t know anything about working in one?! How many times—assuming you’ve worked retail—have you thought: Huh, this change is going to make things harder. Or: What were they thinking? Or: Has anyone in corporate ever even worked in a store?!

No. No, they probably haven’t. And that’s a huge problem. It’s ludicrous.

Mandates such as:

• Sell x dollar amount every week or be written up, then take a pay cut, then be fired
• Sell x amount of *specific product* per week or be docked hours
• Sell x amount of add-ons each day or be written up

These fear tactics are not effective. There are so many factors that dictate a customer’s money spending and these jackholes at corporate think an employee being more aggressive in sales will changes things every time? I mean…corporate office guys, have you stopped taking your antipsychotics or are you just on psychotropics because let me tell you: These types of mandates will push away your good employees.

Hold on, I need to go lie down. I think I burst a blood vessel. In my brain.