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Crafting Your Post-Apocalyptic Resume

Tips for a Brave New World

If you’ve been marking off the days since President Trump obtained the nuclear codes with increasing trepidation, now might be the time to brush up on your post-apocalyptic resume. Just because your LinkedIn profile and digital portfolio won’t work any more doesn’t mean you can’t present yourself effectively in a new world order. It really is survival of the fittest out there, so make sure you’re up to speed with these top tips.

Focus on the essentials.

Every post-apocalyptic resume should take a back-to-basics approach. The foundation tier of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs covers physiological needs like respiration, hydration, shelter, food, and sleep. When you’re trying to impress the ragtag group of survivors you’ve found yourself with, make sure you’re clear on what you can bring to the table for the whole group. Can you use the remains of your Macbook Pro to pound roots into a nutritious paste? Can you trap rainwater in the sealed up shell of what was once your neighbour’s Ford Focus? Ensure these skills are clearly highlighted for potential allies.

Address your weak spots.

Let’s face it, we all have limitations. You don’t want to realise this for the first time when you’re running from the radiation-mutated bears. While drafting your post-apocalyptic resume, consider areas where you need to improve in order to be truly self-sufficient. For those troublesome tasks you really just can’t do yourself, think through bartering strategies. Maybe you’re fantastic at wound dressing, but terrible at campfire cooking. Align yourself with a former chef and you could become a partnership powerhouse with offers of shelter and protection from multiple local tribes.

Add a dash of flair.

In a sea of ill-adapted corporate types trying to learn how to be hunter-gatherers again with very little warning, it can be hard to make yourself stand out to potential new comrades. What really unique talents do you possess? Are you super skilled at getting the very last morsel of toothpaste out of the tube? Become the ration manager for your horde. Excellent memory or a dab hand in a pub quiz? You could be the sage tasked with trying to reconstruct the total sum of prior human knowledge. Are you one of those people who’s content to stare at a screen all day? Someone’s going to need to be the top lookout woman for the swarms of sentient electrified wasps. Find a way to match your distinctive skills to your new situation.

Once the bubonic snow-tsunamis start ravaging the land it will be very hard to find time or mental energy for brushing up your post-apocalyptic resume. Get a jump on it now so when the time comes you’re ready. Anyway, you’re going to need extra time to carve it on all those rocks. Better start sharpening.

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