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It feels like you have to be fortunate to make it. I think I hit the point in my life where I'm just done. I cried. I fought. I tried. Creativity smells like unemployment, combined with ramen noodles and high-quality notebooks. It smells like suffering. For your vision, your art, of course. Why else would you exist solely on noodles and 1-ply toilet paper?
How much longer can I perceive my dream career before giving up and moving on? We give ourselves dreams only to cancel. But every day I silently repeat to myself:
My current situation is not my permanent destination.
But. All. These. Opinions! All of these opinions... Filmmakers, artists, writers, musicians... People see these as fictional characters and after hearing you aim to have a creative career as if a little chant they repeat "But what do you actually do? You are unemployed, right?" Opinions. Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires to accountability, no understanding.
A sense of a revolution is fulfilling me, time to take them all by storm. According to Alfred Hitchcock, to make a great movie all you need is 3 things: a great script, a great script and a great script. A true piece of writing is a dangerous thing. And I have all the time in the world to create it. I write to give myself strength. I have small notebooks. Post-its. Colourful paper. Plain paper. I pick up a pen out of nothing or start up my laptop in the middle of the night. I pick a word. I see where it takes me. Because I store everything in my body: the gorgeous, the ugly, the painful, the ecstatic... Awaiting to be free. When it is written on paper, you have a greater understanding of yourself, of the world... And sometimes even more - yourself in this world. It all begins with a word.
It is a beautiful thing when a career and a passion come together.
But I have to make sandwiches instead of movies. It is not who I am that holds me back. It is who I think I am not that is holding me back. No, I am not talented. No, I can't write a brilliant script even if you give me all the time in the world. No, I can't direct people the right way. I am not successful... But if I want to be I would rather follow my passion rather than a paycheck. When I found filmmaking, I found a job that keeps me excited all day, every day, making things happen with determined hardworking like-minded people I love and I am doing what I love. How can it get any better? A certain amount of pieces of paper that control my entire life will never buy this.
"I hope your fine arts degree taught you the fine art of unemployment." Jokers out there I got only one thing to say. There is a big difference between truly needing welfare and being a habitual societal leech. Our time here is limited, therefore I refuse to live someone else's life. I will have the courage to follow my heart, intuition and inner voice, eventually introducing the world to my visions and values. I don't need a miracle. I have found mine and will perceive it for as long as I have to. Eventually, I will be able to say that what I do for money is filmmaking. And cut!
Until Next Time,