What Your Local Barista Thinks of You

I have been working for a well-known coffee shop for about three years now. I know this business far too well, crafted way too many beverages, and trained too many hopeless high school grads. I dream of the day when I get to throw in the green apron and walk out of this hellhole. Now, I know I sound like a bitter employee, but trust me—I used to love my job. Sadly, this place reminds me that humans are indeed pieces of shit.

Now I know what you’re thinking: Some baristas are just plain rude. That is very true, however, it’s because of you, the customer. When I train a new employee, we constantly remind them to make the coffee shop feel like a third place. A third place is what we call our shops, because you have your home—the first place, your job—the second place, and your local coffee shop—a safe and welcoming third place. Trust me, we baristas try hard to treat our customers like they’re more than a transaction. Sadly, humans fail to treat others kindly.

It’s rude when you ignore us.

It becomes a routine that we all get stuck in. Our hellos get ignored as you shout your ridiculously over-complicated orders at us. A simple acknowledgement to our good morning greeting is all that we want. You don’t even need to smile when you say it.

You treat us like coffee mules.

Unfortunately, you are not the only customer. We create espresso drinks for a living. We cannot help it if fifty of you simple-minded caffeine-powered addicts come in at the same time. We will try our best to get the drinks out as fast as we can, but staring at us while we craft the twelve drinks before you will not hurry us. Watching us with such threatening eyes actually distracts us.

We don’t control the prices.

First off, you’re the one too lazy to brew your own pot of coffee at home. Secondly, plain black coffee is cheaper and a whole lot stronger than the quad-shot venti upside down caramel macchiato you are about to order. Yelling at us about how the prices went up ten cents isn’t going to help lower them. Unfortunately, the extra shots of espresso will cost you. Even if I could hand out free drinks, your attitude is the reason why I wouldn’t hand you one.

Don’t tell us how to make our drinks.

If you order a drink in a complicated way and the barista informs you that what it is you’re ordering is actually already a drink, then thank them for sharing their knowledge with you. Do not argue and say you know more than they do, because you are not the one wearing the apron. The barista isn’t correcting you to belittle you. We simply want to make it easier on you when you order. We want to bring simplicity back!

Don’t ask us stupid questions.

If we call out Stephanie’s tall vanilla latte, do not pick it up and ask me “Is this mine?” when you are neither Stephanie nor did you order a tall vanilla latte. It is hard for us to avoid passive aggressive replies with such dumb questions. If you’re curious for your order, simply talk to us like equals and you won’t catch lip from us.

Don’t interrupt the barista when crafting beverages durning a rush!

If we are in the middle of topping a drink with whip cream, do not shout “I asked for no whip on that!” Unless you are absolutely sure that the drink the barista is working on is yours. We aren’t idiots. If the barista heard your order clearly, they marked it on your cup. We admit, sometimes we make minor mistakes. It’s not the end of the world if we messed up your order. Simply ask us politely to fix it. We try our best to craft every drink as fast as possible. We sometimes stumble over the details.

Don’t be mean to us.

It’s hard enough that we are always understaffed or that our managers tend to sit on their ass in the back room. We are trying to get you out the door as fast as we can. Don’t be an asshole or we will give you decaf.

Will it kill you to thank us?!

Just like ignoring our greetings, ignoring our thank you’s just shows how poor-mannered you people are. When we hear a proper thanks in return, we baristas actually light up a little. Hearing that sweet line makes our heart grow ten sizes. We begin to think that maybe humans haven’t lost their souls.

Not every single customer is an asshole; there are few customers that I truly love. The ones who have hearts, they understand that we baristas are human, too; Regulars and new faces that acknowledged our greetings and looked up from their phones, customers that we could engage and carry on a decent conversation with. There are friendly baristas, just like there are friendly customers. However, it just seems easier to assume the worst in each other than to try to be kind to one another.